This idea has been cooking for several months. You can read about the event on my earlier blog. You know. The one that was not about cancer. . .
That is where I have posted for this week as we head into the publicity stage of the process. It's not great timing, actually, as I have a story to tell you about the two policemen who were standing on our porch this morning as neighbors looked on.
Alas. Superhero business comes first.
The other blog: The Big "C"
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Sunday, September 19, 2010
B, G and J Day: Part of the Problem
From the bottom up, this time. And with a little "A!" thrown in.
A!: Bryan and I both take the kids to swim lessons at the Peterson AFB indoor pool on T and Th evenings. We lap swim while they do their thing. (And they're both really good for their ages. It's fun to watch them.)
I completed 7 laps on Thursday. That's 14 lengths, which is 350 yards. Of course, I caught my breath after each round trip. Still. This marks my progress. I can actually think about something else while swimming, the strokes are becoming that natural.
Does that sound lame? To have to concentrate so hard on something as simple as a free style swim? Part of the problem for me had been is that I am super-sensitive to water up the nose. Just a tiny bit really hurts. So I started wearing a nose plug and voila! 350 yards!
Did I mention that I was wearing foot-fins during this swim? Hey. If you ain't cheatin', you ain't tryin'.
G and J:
The other day, I made lunch for myself and the kids. That is, I re-heated the pizza we had made the night before and that Gemma had gladly eaten.
This time, she looked at it, grimmaced and asked if she could make herself a PBJ instead. I told her "no." Because that's the kind of mother I am.
Josh and I finished up while Gemma sat at the table, pouting. Not eating.
I had several things to get together before moving on to our next thing, so I left the table and began darting around the house. Gemma snipped at me. I don't even remember what it was.
Josh asked, "Why did Gemma just say that?"
I said, "Because she's cranky."
She whined back, "No I'm not."
Josh said, "I think she's still cranky, Mom."
This made me laugh. And it annoyed Gemma. So he repeated it, "Gemma is cranky." This annoyed her further. I shook my head at him, making that non-verbal Mom-cue that he shouldn't say this. Then I went on with my tasks.
I headed down the stairs and heard him say, "I think Gemma's still cranky."
Gemma: "No, I'm not!"
Josh: "See? Still cranky!"
Gemma: "Josh!"
Josh: "See? Still cranky!"
Gemma: "Josh!!"
Josh: "See? Still cranky!"
Then two seconds of silence. Then the sound of Joshua wailing. By which time I was headed back up the stairs with my last item.
"Gemma pinched me!!" he reported.
Gemma's lips were closed tightly. I know my daughter's looks. She regretted hurting him.
I said, "That's what you get when you choose to annoy people on purpose." This made him scowl. It also made Gemma nod in vindication.
I told her, "We don't hurt people on purpose, even when they deserve it." And this satisfied Josh, too.
Then I looked at them both and sighed. "You two are both part of the problem." But they'll read this one day and see that their worst problems with each other are just another version of their delight.
B:
On Monday, Bryan began work as a Government Servant. He's still doing his same job at the same desk with the same e-mail and same co-workers. Through May, it was the US Navy that wrote out his paycheck. In June, July, August and part of September, it was a government contracting firm. And now it's the US government proper.
Timely, too. Secretary Gates just announced a 100% hiring freeze on all government servants in the military effective Thursday. So. . .is three days too long to be considered "the nick of time"?
How does this fit into today's theme?
Are you kidding me? Bryan's a government servant! This kind of makes him part of the problem. . .
A!: Bryan and I both take the kids to swim lessons at the Peterson AFB indoor pool on T and Th evenings. We lap swim while they do their thing. (And they're both really good for their ages. It's fun to watch them.)
I completed 7 laps on Thursday. That's 14 lengths, which is 350 yards. Of course, I caught my breath after each round trip. Still. This marks my progress. I can actually think about something else while swimming, the strokes are becoming that natural.
Does that sound lame? To have to concentrate so hard on something as simple as a free style swim? Part of the problem for me had been is that I am super-sensitive to water up the nose. Just a tiny bit really hurts. So I started wearing a nose plug and voila! 350 yards!
Did I mention that I was wearing foot-fins during this swim? Hey. If you ain't cheatin', you ain't tryin'.
G and J:
The other day, I made lunch for myself and the kids. That is, I re-heated the pizza we had made the night before and that Gemma had gladly eaten.
This time, she looked at it, grimmaced and asked if she could make herself a PBJ instead. I told her "no." Because that's the kind of mother I am.
Josh and I finished up while Gemma sat at the table, pouting. Not eating.
I had several things to get together before moving on to our next thing, so I left the table and began darting around the house. Gemma snipped at me. I don't even remember what it was.
Josh asked, "Why did Gemma just say that?"
I said, "Because she's cranky."
She whined back, "No I'm not."
Josh said, "I think she's still cranky, Mom."
This made me laugh. And it annoyed Gemma. So he repeated it, "Gemma is cranky." This annoyed her further. I shook my head at him, making that non-verbal Mom-cue that he shouldn't say this. Then I went on with my tasks.
I headed down the stairs and heard him say, "I think Gemma's still cranky."
Gemma: "No, I'm not!"
Josh: "See? Still cranky!"
Gemma: "Josh!"
Josh: "See? Still cranky!"
Gemma: "Josh!!"
Josh: "See? Still cranky!"
Then two seconds of silence. Then the sound of Joshua wailing. By which time I was headed back up the stairs with my last item.
"Gemma pinched me!!" he reported.
Gemma's lips were closed tightly. I know my daughter's looks. She regretted hurting him.
I said, "That's what you get when you choose to annoy people on purpose." This made him scowl. It also made Gemma nod in vindication.
I told her, "We don't hurt people on purpose, even when they deserve it." And this satisfied Josh, too.
Then I looked at them both and sighed. "You two are both part of the problem." But they'll read this one day and see that their worst problems with each other are just another version of their delight.
B:
On Monday, Bryan began work as a Government Servant. He's still doing his same job at the same desk with the same e-mail and same co-workers. Through May, it was the US Navy that wrote out his paycheck. In June, July, August and part of September, it was a government contracting firm. And now it's the US government proper.
Timely, too. Secretary Gates just announced a 100% hiring freeze on all government servants in the military effective Thursday. So. . .is three days too long to be considered "the nick of time"?
How does this fit into today's theme?
Are you kidding me? Bryan's a government servant! This kind of makes him part of the problem. . .
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Games Played
We went to a $2 Tuesday home game at the Sky Sox park. This team is the AAA club for the Colorado Rockies and the field is beautiful. I didn't expect my kids to be into watching 9 innings, which is why we went on a night when each seat was only 2 bucks.
We sat down in those seats, and Gemma and Joshua surveyed the teams warming up. Then they both said, "How do you win this game?"
Did you know that such people exist? Americans who do not know how baseball is played?? I don't care that they are 6 and 4. This is baseball! They're just supposed to know.
Most surprising for them, when I explained, was that there was a man who got to decide which pitches were balls and which were strikes. "Why does he get to decide? What if he's wrong?. . ."
Part of the ballpark fun was the organ music between pitches, leading the crowd in all the standard cheers and clapping rhythms. Gemma asked how everyone knew when to clap.
A common one was the cavalry-ish "Ba-da-da-DA-da-DAA! CHARGE!!!" And everyone except our two children yelled out together with a fist forward, "CHARGE!"
After the 4th time this one was played, Josh turned to me with great triumph because he'd remembered how this one went and he remembered to stick his fist out and yet along with us.
"Mommy!" he announced, "I said, 'GEORGE'!"
***
We had some super-soft mangoes to use up, so I announced that we'd make smoothies. Joshua said, "Can I help you with the ingredients?"
Sure! He pulled up a chair to stand on. Gemma hovered behind us, which I found unusual. . .
I pulled out the mangoes, and pomegranate 7-Up. Josh dispensed cups of ice for us and put them into the blender.
I asked him to get a plastic grocery bag for me to hold the mango rinds. He said, "No thank you."
I said, "I thought you wanted to help me."
Josh: "I said I wanted to help with ingredients."
Parsing words at age 4! I'm so proud of him! These were the little games I played with words, too. Still play (?) No matter. He is so my son. Doesn't look at all like me. But that's just on the outside.
Gemma said, "Joshua, do you want to put the whole can of soda in?"
Of course he did. I knew just what Gemma would say next, as soon as he had finished a choice task like that. "Mommy, since Josh got to put in the soda, can I press the blender buttons?"
And there we see Gemma, like her Daddy, through and through. Planning a few steps ahead. Though his plans lack her sense of crafty sibling manipulation. . . I don't know that they always have.
***
The Sky Sox game made clear to me that we need to be a bit pro-active about the whole sports thing. There is a basic cultural literacy issue at stake here and given that Bryan and I never watch sports on TV at home, we need to get out to more games.
It's nice to have the Air Force Academy in town. Not only are they NCAA, their events cost next to nothing to attend and if our kids ever become fans of their teams, the chances of one of the players they admire behaving badly are next to zero. Most of all, I like the idea of seeing players compete for love of their game. No full-ride prima donas here. All cadets are on full rides!
I explained the rules of volleyball in the car on the way to the AFA women's season opener. The intricacies of side-out, whence a team only gets a point if it's serving. That games went to 15 points. That a match was best out of 3. All of which was what I remembered from Mrs. Field's written volleyball test from high school gym class.
By the way, I've always liked games that are won in matches. I like how you can lose battles but win wars.
They were a fun team to watch. Lots of energy. Their "bench" didn't sit on a bench. They stood to the side. (And stayed warmed-up that way?) They were tall. And their opponents were sucking wind about 15 minutes into the warm-up. The altitude was killing them.
Ah. The opponents. "Long Island University." Huh. Like. From the "Long Island"? Why would a New York team come to Colorado Springs to compete? And why were there three Colorado Springs natives on the Long Island University team?
Answer: Their head coach used to assist at AFA.
Begetting another question: Why are there so many male coaches in collegiate volleyball? I looked into this (a little) and found that about half are men. What? These guys probably didn't play NCAA volleyball--I think because of Title IX, mens teams are limited to club sports. Why aren't these coaching jobs populated by women who, you know, played the game?
No matter. Speaking of little cheers "we all know," I offered up a version for Bryan to consider. The future Air Force officers could say:
That's all right
That's OK
We'll drop a bomb on YOU someday!
Heh heh. But it went totally unappreciated. Bryan had a difficult time making the emotional adjustment to being at an Air Force game. And being expected to cheer for them.
I say: Time to buy in, buddy. This is our home now.
The only shock of the night is that there is no more "side-out"! Every ball is a point! And now there are 25 points in a game and 5 games in a match!
***
We went to Buckskin Joe's. This is a "western theme tourist attraction where the West is Fun!" It is a mining town, composed of about 25 buildings found all over the West and moved there. Some are operational, like the saloon where we ate lunch, or the dry goods store where the kids bought candy that cost a lot more than a penny. . . Many buildings were decorated to the period inside, but cordoned off so that visitors could just peer in at the antiques.
After 50 years of operation in Canyon City, it was sold at auction. Some billionaire bought the place for parts, he says. There's a lot of 'em. He is a collector who plans to move most of the stuff to his private ranch. The purchase also included the 800 acres that sits along the Royal Gorge. We won't be surprised if there's a 4 star lodge and golf course in Canyon City about 5 years from now.
We're just glad we got to go there while it was still open. The afternoon was punctuated by a few "gun shows"--the kind where some guys acted out a comedic melodrama with fake gun shots that fake-killed people. (Josh was engrossed, and pretty concerned until he saw them wake up at the end, despite our assuring him that it was for pretend.)
I want to know how those guys got those jobs. Are they actors? The guy who played the Medicine man seemed like he took his craft seriously. . .
Where are they going to work now?
How does that job look on a resume?
Buckskin Joe's also featured a narrow-gauge train ride out the Royal Gorge and along it. Passengers are let off at the mid-point and allowed onto a "scenic overlook" platform. We wondered if this part of the attraction would be incorporated into the golf course. . .
Both kids still want to sit next to me at events or restaurants or train rides. All the time, if they can. I don't know if that's normal or if it's a lingering reaction to the cancer. Or if it hurts Bryan's feelings on some level. I try to accommodate them when I can.
We rode, then, the kids and I in one car with Bryan in front of us. I had my arm around each one and the sun was so warm in the brisk Fall mountain air. It was a gorgeous ride out, a long, long hug among us slicing through an already serene day. Friends, it was a perfect moment.
You've had moments like this, too. An "I can't believe this is actually my life" moment. Gemma and Josh could feel it, too. They kept smiling up at me and touching my face with soft, cupped palms. Josh said a few times, "I just love you so much, Mommy."
And finally the moment would not sustain. Or I couldn't sustain it. Or something. And I thought, "The cancer is going to come back and I am going to die soon and this afternoon is what they will remember."
So began a different kind of game, but one that must be pretty common among cancer champions. There's a tiny seed of a thought that if I lose sight of the possibility of more cancer and just enjoy the life in front of me, I'll get sick again. As though keeping it mind means it cannot sneak up on me.
I talk back to this seed of a thought. So begins a whole conversation with myself and with God about what is True. On goes the game of choosing to believe it. Choosing not to dwell on possibilities. It's a struggle. It is not a battle I win every time.
***
That same day, we got back into town in time for another Sky Sox game! Friends gave us tickets to their sky box. We went with our neighbors, and our 4 children together didn't watch a whole lot of baseball. The beautiful Fall day turned into a perfect night.
Right after the game ended, the park put on their fireworks display and we had the best seats in the house for them. I held Joshua on my lap as they danced. We can see the Friday night fireworks all summer long from our park, but now we were close enough to see the trails of smoke linger behind each burst, illuminated by the next round's explosion.
And just like that, I found myself in another perfect moment. I don't think I'd ever had two in one day before. But there it was. The thought came to mind, "This is abundant life, Amy. It's not your job to sustain it. It's your job not to sacrifice it."
So I didn't. This time. Battle won. A total match victory in sight.
Charge.
We sat down in those seats, and Gemma and Joshua surveyed the teams warming up. Then they both said, "How do you win this game?"
Did you know that such people exist? Americans who do not know how baseball is played?? I don't care that they are 6 and 4. This is baseball! They're just supposed to know.
Most surprising for them, when I explained, was that there was a man who got to decide which pitches were balls and which were strikes. "Why does he get to decide? What if he's wrong?. . ."
Part of the ballpark fun was the organ music between pitches, leading the crowd in all the standard cheers and clapping rhythms. Gemma asked how everyone knew when to clap.
A common one was the cavalry-ish "Ba-da-da-DA-da-DAA! CHARGE!!!" And everyone except our two children yelled out together with a fist forward, "CHARGE!"
After the 4th time this one was played, Josh turned to me with great triumph because he'd remembered how this one went and he remembered to stick his fist out and yet along with us.
"Mommy!" he announced, "I said, 'GEORGE'!"
***
We had some super-soft mangoes to use up, so I announced that we'd make smoothies. Joshua said, "Can I help you with the ingredients?"
Sure! He pulled up a chair to stand on. Gemma hovered behind us, which I found unusual. . .
I pulled out the mangoes, and pomegranate 7-Up. Josh dispensed cups of ice for us and put them into the blender.
I asked him to get a plastic grocery bag for me to hold the mango rinds. He said, "No thank you."
I said, "I thought you wanted to help me."
Josh: "I said I wanted to help with ingredients."
Parsing words at age 4! I'm so proud of him! These were the little games I played with words, too. Still play (?) No matter. He is so my son. Doesn't look at all like me. But that's just on the outside.
Gemma said, "Joshua, do you want to put the whole can of soda in?"
Of course he did. I knew just what Gemma would say next, as soon as he had finished a choice task like that. "Mommy, since Josh got to put in the soda, can I press the blender buttons?"
And there we see Gemma, like her Daddy, through and through. Planning a few steps ahead. Though his plans lack her sense of crafty sibling manipulation. . . I don't know that they always have.
***
The Sky Sox game made clear to me that we need to be a bit pro-active about the whole sports thing. There is a basic cultural literacy issue at stake here and given that Bryan and I never watch sports on TV at home, we need to get out to more games.
It's nice to have the Air Force Academy in town. Not only are they NCAA, their events cost next to nothing to attend and if our kids ever become fans of their teams, the chances of one of the players they admire behaving badly are next to zero. Most of all, I like the idea of seeing players compete for love of their game. No full-ride prima donas here. All cadets are on full rides!
I explained the rules of volleyball in the car on the way to the AFA women's season opener. The intricacies of side-out, whence a team only gets a point if it's serving. That games went to 15 points. That a match was best out of 3. All of which was what I remembered from Mrs. Field's written volleyball test from high school gym class.
By the way, I've always liked games that are won in matches. I like how you can lose battles but win wars.
They were a fun team to watch. Lots of energy. Their "bench" didn't sit on a bench. They stood to the side. (And stayed warmed-up that way?) They were tall. And their opponents were sucking wind about 15 minutes into the warm-up. The altitude was killing them.
Ah. The opponents. "Long Island University." Huh. Like. From the "Long Island"? Why would a New York team come to Colorado Springs to compete? And why were there three Colorado Springs natives on the Long Island University team?
Answer: Their head coach used to assist at AFA.
Begetting another question: Why are there so many male coaches in collegiate volleyball? I looked into this (a little) and found that about half are men. What? These guys probably didn't play NCAA volleyball--I think because of Title IX, mens teams are limited to club sports. Why aren't these coaching jobs populated by women who, you know, played the game?
No matter. Speaking of little cheers "we all know," I offered up a version for Bryan to consider. The future Air Force officers could say:
That's all right
That's OK
We'll drop a bomb on YOU someday!
Heh heh. But it went totally unappreciated. Bryan had a difficult time making the emotional adjustment to being at an Air Force game. And being expected to cheer for them.
I say: Time to buy in, buddy. This is our home now.
The only shock of the night is that there is no more "side-out"! Every ball is a point! And now there are 25 points in a game and 5 games in a match!
***
We went to Buckskin Joe's. This is a "western theme tourist attraction where the West is Fun!" It is a mining town, composed of about 25 buildings found all over the West and moved there. Some are operational, like the saloon where we ate lunch, or the dry goods store where the kids bought candy that cost a lot more than a penny. . . Many buildings were decorated to the period inside, but cordoned off so that visitors could just peer in at the antiques.
After 50 years of operation in Canyon City, it was sold at auction. Some billionaire bought the place for parts, he says. There's a lot of 'em. He is a collector who plans to move most of the stuff to his private ranch. The purchase also included the 800 acres that sits along the Royal Gorge. We won't be surprised if there's a 4 star lodge and golf course in Canyon City about 5 years from now.
I want to know how those guys got those jobs. Are they actors? The guy who played the Medicine man seemed like he took his craft seriously. . .
Where are they going to work now?
How does that job look on a resume?
Buckskin Joe's also featured a narrow-gauge train ride out the Royal Gorge and along it. Passengers are let off at the mid-point and allowed onto a "scenic overlook" platform. We wondered if this part of the attraction would be incorporated into the golf course. . .
Both kids still want to sit next to me at events or restaurants or train rides. All the time, if they can. I don't know if that's normal or if it's a lingering reaction to the cancer. Or if it hurts Bryan's feelings on some level. I try to accommodate them when I can.
You've had moments like this, too. An "I can't believe this is actually my life" moment. Gemma and Josh could feel it, too. They kept smiling up at me and touching my face with soft, cupped palms. Josh said a few times, "I just love you so much, Mommy."
And finally the moment would not sustain. Or I couldn't sustain it. Or something. And I thought, "The cancer is going to come back and I am going to die soon and this afternoon is what they will remember."
So began a different kind of game, but one that must be pretty common among cancer champions. There's a tiny seed of a thought that if I lose sight of the possibility of more cancer and just enjoy the life in front of me, I'll get sick again. As though keeping it mind means it cannot sneak up on me.
I talk back to this seed of a thought. So begins a whole conversation with myself and with God about what is True. On goes the game of choosing to believe it. Choosing not to dwell on possibilities. It's a struggle. It is not a battle I win every time.
***
That same day, we got back into town in time for another Sky Sox game! Friends gave us tickets to their sky box. We went with our neighbors, and our 4 children together didn't watch a whole lot of baseball. The beautiful Fall day turned into a perfect night.
Right after the game ended, the park put on their fireworks display and we had the best seats in the house for them. I held Joshua on my lap as they danced. We can see the Friday night fireworks all summer long from our park, but now we were close enough to see the trails of smoke linger behind each burst, illuminated by the next round's explosion.
And just like that, I found myself in another perfect moment. I don't think I'd ever had two in one day before. But there it was. The thought came to mind, "This is abundant life, Amy. It's not your job to sustain it. It's your job not to sacrifice it."
So I didn't. This time. Battle won. A total match victory in sight.
Charge.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
About That Deadline. . .
See? I let it slip just one day. And that turned into a week, even though I had the daily plan of getting a post up before bedtime. And here I am, staring at another deadline. Yet, I'm dead tired.
I have a whole essay composed in my head. This is what I do, you know, as I'm driving from here to there, or doing the dishes, or clipping the bushes: I'm thinking about how I will write the thing I am planning to write. But at 10:15, it's not going to come out well.
So here is what we are left with: I'll give a very brief run-down of all that we've been doing. It won't be fun or interesting. But it will be a bookmark for next Sunday's post. Then all you sweet people who have stopped by to see if I've finally done my duty will at least know that there's no need to check until yet another week has gone by.
Official Superhero SOE:
went to a Sky Sox game
went to the Air Force Academy volleyball season opener
started our homeschool co-op for the semester
saw Gemma ride a two wheeler and nearly went hoarse cheering for her--can I just say?: one of the happiest moments of my life
went on field trip to 4 Mile Historical Park in Denver
went to Buckskin Joe's in Canyon City and rode its train over the Royal Gorge
went to another Sky Sox game on a Friday night because very generous friends gave us box suite tickets--we had the best seat in the house for the pretty terrific fireworks. (Is it relavent that the Sox lost both games we attended?)
spent most of today at the pool--last visit of the season!--and, ahem: I swam four lengths consecutively (checked that box!) I actually did learn to do flip-turns this summer, too. But they take so much wind, I would not have been able to swim all 100 yards if I'd done them at each end. Mark my words: a year from now. . .
re-decorated/arranged/organized our basement where we do most of our schooling; it is a shadow of the things to come for this house, now that we know (hope!) we'll be staying for a while
And, oh yeah!, have been working like beasts trying to prepare for the kick-off of AWANA, the Bible-memory-fun-fellowship-coolness club at our church. Bryan is now the Director for Cubbies, the pre-school level of this group, and I am the "secretary" (all I really do is ghost-write his communications to leaders and parents). We've both been a little shocked at how much work it takes to get the year started.
It's a rich life. I'm looking forward to telling you all about it.
I have a whole essay composed in my head. This is what I do, you know, as I'm driving from here to there, or doing the dishes, or clipping the bushes: I'm thinking about how I will write the thing I am planning to write. But at 10:15, it's not going to come out well.
So here is what we are left with: I'll give a very brief run-down of all that we've been doing. It won't be fun or interesting. But it will be a bookmark for next Sunday's post. Then all you sweet people who have stopped by to see if I've finally done my duty will at least know that there's no need to check until yet another week has gone by.
Official Superhero SOE:
went to a Sky Sox game
went to the Air Force Academy volleyball season opener
started our homeschool co-op for the semester
saw Gemma ride a two wheeler and nearly went hoarse cheering for her--can I just say?: one of the happiest moments of my life
went on field trip to 4 Mile Historical Park in Denver
went to Buckskin Joe's in Canyon City and rode its train over the Royal Gorge
went to another Sky Sox game on a Friday night because very generous friends gave us box suite tickets--we had the best seat in the house for the pretty terrific fireworks. (Is it relavent that the Sox lost both games we attended?)
spent most of today at the pool--last visit of the season!--and, ahem: I swam four lengths consecutively (checked that box!) I actually did learn to do flip-turns this summer, too. But they take so much wind, I would not have been able to swim all 100 yards if I'd done them at each end. Mark my words: a year from now. . .
re-decorated/arranged/organized our basement where we do most of our schooling; it is a shadow of the things to come for this house, now that we know (hope!) we'll be staying for a while
And, oh yeah!, have been working like beasts trying to prepare for the kick-off of AWANA, the Bible-memory-fun-fellowship-coolness club at our church. Bryan is now the Director for Cubbies, the pre-school level of this group, and I am the "secretary" (all I really do is ghost-write his communications to leaders and parents). We've both been a little shocked at how much work it takes to get the year started.
It's a rich life. I'm looking forward to telling you all about it.
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